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Dealing with social anxiety help...?

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 22, 2015, 7:20 PM


EDIT you're all the sweetest but as it's obvious in this journal lmao i have a hard time talking to people so it's going to take me a bit to get back to everyone but i've read all of your comments and you're just all so amazing i can't believe it...
i'm so sorry to those of you suffering from this too. it's absolutely terrible and if i can be there for you if you need me to, i will be. i love each and every one of you. <3

--

I've been putting off making this journal and dealing with the situation as a whole but it really needs to be done. v_v;;
This journal is really personal but I'd appreciate any advice I can be given...

I deal with anxiety on a daily basis. I know I've mentioned it before.
The majority of my LIFE is revolved around my GAD. I only recently (past 5 years ) have had really bad social anxiety.

Uh... when I talk to people. My heart pounds, I get incredibly shaky and have a hard time breathing. I usually get sick and as a worst case scenario it triggers a panic attack
Aaand the panic attack gives me dissociative problems, which makes more anxiety and more panic. A wonderful downward spiral! It makes talking to anyone an absolute nightmare.

Now, dA i can take. I can comment back to people, although some days I need to take a breather and wait before I do so.

However... agh, lately I really want to make friends again. Really personal-- I haven't made a close friend for ohh. 9 years now. All the ones I did before this had left me for some circumstance, the only close friends I have to this day are Xallumz, pungafruit and Draggie9

When I say close, I mean... like, be able to talk to everyday? Over an instant messenger, kind of idea. I've made quite a few friends on dA--  sort of more like "friendly acquaintances", but I'm sure a lot of them would actually like to talk to me. I feel bad, like I just avoid the idea of it until suddenly we stop talking and I'm not sure if we're friends anymore. 

I can almost root out where my problems started. A lot of people at my school --specifically my "close friends"-- started hating me for things I liked. I could be a bit annoying, I know, but I really don't understand what's wrong with getting excited over things you love?? Eventually this forced me to be withdrawn about the sort of thing.

This also extended online. I got ridiculed and hurt and I remember a lot of condescending people. The whole community I was in was a mess in general, a lot of toxic people who I never wish to speak to again. I was dealing with an abusive household at the time, so a lot of it was really overwhelming.

Those instances made me terrified of people... but I think one of my real issues is that I've never gotten used to talking to people one-on-one? I've always been in group chats and such when I had met new friends, so it was easier to be myself. Now I just... I'm too scared to talk, to do anything. Too hard to be myself. I don't know what to do.

I want to make friends but I feel like I come with a fucking user manual and no one would want to deal with that. I feel like I haven't talked to others for so long on a normal basis that I've forgotten how to and will make a fool out of myself?? I'm terrified of people hating me-- more so, I'm terrified of having panic attacks. 

Some advice I've gotten is to just do it. Well, I have the Skype ready, I'm all set up to give it out. However, I... everytime I think about it, all the possible scenarios run around in my head and it just breaks me. I can't just. Do it. I can't. I'm so terrified I'll force myself and do something or say something and make others that I care about hate me. It's happened so much in the past, I'm so scared of it happening again.

I don't know what to do and I'm terrified of even posting this journal?? I?? I feel so lost.

commissions CLOSED

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 22, 2015, 2:07 PM


i'll accept other things than sooshes now
but it's all i have as recent examples and i prefer to draw them so its up to you really lmao
not first come first serve, sorry!
that being said please comment WITH a reference

TOS

Angelica by hunniebuzzlittle sweetpea by hunniebuzzVictoria by hunniebuzz

$15 / 1500 :points:


 
taking 3 slots
1. captyns
2. RoseyWingedCat 
3. Kiboku 

soosh commissions CLOSED

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 20, 2015, 12:29 AM


I need more art of my sushi bbys so,,, commissions!

i may also accept trancelings but i mostly want to draw sooshes


examples
Blu by hunniebuzz Victoria by hunniebuzz little sweetpea by hunniebuzz

$15 / 1500 :points:



slots
1. SithLordDeneray
2. Siirona
3. Siirona

On a side note-- I'm so sorry for only taking Soosh commissions lately.
Taking commissions usually stresses me out a lot... but drawing Sushi dogs
is really calming and good for me so I prefer to do this for a bit. u__u;

sushi dog commissions!! CLOSED

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 13, 2015, 9:23 PM


GUYS I REALLY NEED TO BUY GRIM FANDANGO LIKE... NOW. REALLY BAD

Opening two slots for sushi dog commissions ♥
Sorry for the raise in price, but the lineart I've been doing
takes me twice as long as using my old brush, so it's gotta be done!

bonnie by hunniebuzzpastel coffee cup cupcakes by hunniebuzzBby Child by hunniebuzz

$15 / 1500 :points:

will include minimal shading
i need at least $15 so one of these slots is paypal only

slots
1. yuumare 
2. sablepuss 
3. fus-ro-damn 

characters up for sale / trade

Journal Entry: Fri Jan 30, 2015, 6:34 AM


sta.sh/2ch1rqjupw8


folders are named by their creators

some of them are for trade only, but the ones
that are for sale you can offer for too

for trades i'm mostly interested in feral characters
i'm also a huge sucker for trancelings & pink designs

sushi dog commissions CLOSED

Journal Entry: Wed Jan 21, 2015, 3:26 PM


hello friends!!
i need some money for vday pretty quickly
and i love drawing sushi dogs so i figured?? sushi dog commissions?? yes

please read my
TERMS OF SERVICE

i need a reference in your first comment,
otherwise i can't accept!

[ commission ] yuumare by hunniebuzzyuumare by hunniebuzz

PAYPAL ONLY

$10


SLOTS

1. alfeddy 
2. alfeddy 
3. sablepuss 

4. sonyasim55 
5. JeanaWei 

characters up for sale / trade

Journal Entry: Sun Jan 18, 2015, 10:00 PM


sta.sh/2ch1rqjupw8



I'LL BE HIDING COMMENTS THAT HAVE BEEN REPLIED
just to keep things neat and tidy!!

--

folders are named by their creators

these are characters i got a long time ago and

just want to get rid of tbh uu;;

some of them are for trade only, but the ones
that are for sale you can offer for too

for trades i'm mostly interested in feral characters
i'm also a huge sucker for trancelings ahh

CLOSED

Journal Entry: Fri Jan 9, 2015, 4:34 PM


!! more chibis

PRICES

TERMS OF SERVICE

please read my TOS!
you MUST include a reference in your FIRST comment,
i will only reply to you if you do this!

slots
1. yuumare
2. yuumare
3. yuumare
4. Joestaro


2000 watcher art raffle !! CLOSED

Journal Entry: Sun Jan 4, 2015, 10:32 AM


WINNERS

thank you SO much everyone
for entering and for the congrats and
for introducing me to some lovely artists!!

the winners of the raffle are qomenasai and ritomi!
i'll be noting you both shortly ^v^

i'll be holding one of these again in the near future
since this went so well!


--

hello friends!

recently i hit 2k watchers and i really wanted to do something for it to show my appreciation!
this will end in a week-- so next sunday. (1/11)

WHAT YOU'LL GET

art!! basically a grab bag-- i'll draw you something in
any style that i want. it is free, after all! it will definitely
be fully colored, and possibly shaded!

HOW MANY WINNERS

50 or less entries = 1 winner
100 entries = 2 winners
150 entries = 3 winners
etc.

HOW TO ENTER

be watching me (CURRENT WATCHERS ONLY (before 1/4), i will check!)
favorite this journal
 to get an extra entry, tell me your favorite artists!
i'm looking to watch more people, so i'll definitely be looking through them!

that's it!! good luck! <3


Ask me anything / help with FAQ?

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 3, 2015, 7:38 PM


hello friends uvu//

i really want to put together a good FAQ/about me/whatever
so if you're curious about anything?? ask me here!

it can be art related or?? NOT ART RELATED?? i dont really mind lmao
ill try to answer everything !!

HOLIDAY REQUESTS

Journal Entry: Mon Dec 22, 2014, 7:54 AM


THIS IS FOR CURRENT WATCHERS ONLY

hello friends!! i really wanted to do something
for you all for the holidays, so i decided i'll take
on some requests. ♥

PLEASE NOTE
- They will either be SMALL DOODLES or SKETCHES
- I will NOT be able to get to EVERYONE
- if i don't choose your characters, i'm sorry! i'll be choosing what i want to draw the most!
- they will not be christmas themed

i'll try my hardest to get to as many people as possible!!

post as many characters as you'd like!
i prefer a lot of characters to choose from, but
if you want to just give me one, that's fine!!

happy holidays everyone! ♥

[ Features #2 ]

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 9, 2014, 8:19 PM


Hello lovelies! ♥

I'm sorry I ran a bit late with this one.
I've had some complications over the past
few days, but everything is fine now!

To everyone that's new:
Every 2 weeks, I choose 6 watchers of mine to feature!
1 will be of my own choice-- this can be for any reason.
The rest will be chosen via Random.org!

PLEASE take a look at all of their galleries!

Consider giving them a watch too, or even commission them! ♥


Lets get started!



My choice

Draggie9

Pumpkin! by Draggie9Fall Leaves by Draggie9Please don't eat me friend by Draggie9
Draggie is one of my best friends!! I'm blantly stunned at her
amount of watchers. She's amazingly talented and three pictures
doesn't do her art justice??? Please go look at her gallery, and
give her a watch and some love!! ♥

cay9

cheesin' by cay9girls in white by cay9
I am screaming because cay9's art is gorgeous!!
Her style is so unique and pretty, plus her fursona is
one of the most gorgeous designs ever omf.

Wifflin

Sweet in Every Way by WifflinTo the Beach! by WifflinFriday by Wifflin
Wifflin's art is SUPER CUTE OKAY. I love her style,
and seeing it always brings a smile to my face.
She also makes the cutest little pixel dolls!!

alarmed-dingoes

[Trade] Golden Sun by alarmed-dingoes[Raffle Prize] TEDDY GRAHAMS by alarmed-dingoesHELLA PUNK ROCK by alarmed-dingoes
I AM YELLING. KAT IS A WONDERFUL FRIEND OF MINE
AND I WAS GOING TO CHOOSE HER FOR ONE OF THESE
BUT I RANDOMLY GOT HER INSTEAD SO HERE WE GO
KAT. IS. an amazing artist!! Her style is so beautiful
and i love her art soo much. It's so fluid and full of emotion.
I'm crying please go look at Kat's gallery and give her some love!!

fireflywish

I'm Walking On Air by fireflywishHappy Halloween by fireflywishI Say Let It Grow by fireflywish
fireflywish 's art is positively ADORABLE! Her style is
so sweet and cute, it makes me so happy!!She also makes
super cute adoptables, so go check those out!

yurimilk

010 by yurimilk011 by yurimilk012 by yurimilk
I???? yurimilk 's art is SO gorgeous and stunning.
Her use of colors is absolute eye candy, and her lines
are so smooth and beautiful. Just looking at her
gallery makes my eyes so happy omfg.




PREVIOUS

[ Features #1 ]Hi everyone! ♥
This is how this is gonna work:
Every 2 weeks, I'm gonna choose 6 watchers of mine to feature!
1 will be of my own choice-- this can be for any reason.
The rest will be chosen via Random.org!
PLEASE take a look at all of their galleries!
Consider giving them a watch too, or even commission them! ♥
Lets get started!
My choice
TiriKou
  
I chose TiriKou this week because she's been so incredibly sweet to me!
I absolutely adore her art-- she's very skilled and her pieces are a huge
inspiration to me. She deserves so much more love-- please give her gallery a look!
Frappeccino
 
Frappeccino's art is incredibly unique!! I love their p


That's it for this week !♥

As an end note,
- Please tell me if you don't want to be featured for any reason!
I will remove you, no questions asked. 

- If I get your pronouns wrong, PLEASE correct me
so I can change them asap!! I'll try my best not to do this!

- If you wish not to be featured in the future,
you're free to tell me whenever. I'll make sure not to!

[ Features #1 ]

Journal Entry: Fri Oct 17, 2014, 3:29 PM


Hi everyone! ♥

This is how this is gonna work:
Every 2 weeks, I'm gonna choose 6 watchers of mine to feature!
1 will be of my own choice-- this can be for any reason.
The rest will be chosen via Random.org!

PLEASE take a look at all of their galleries!

Consider giving them a watch too, or even commission them! ♥


Lets get started!



My choice

TiriKou

Fireflies by TiriKou Forest Light by TiriKou Glorious Friends by TiriKou
I chose TiriKou this week because she's been so incredibly sweet to me!
I absolutely adore her art-- she's very skilled and her pieces are a huge
inspiration to me. She deserves so much more love-- please give her gallery a look!

Frappeccino

*OTA/Closed* Death's Rose Floral by FrappeccinoInsert Witty Chicken Joke Here by Frappeccino *Gift/Fanart*Fall Weather by Frappeccino
Frappeccino's art is incredibly unique!! I love their pieces with backgrounds--
they're really creative and gorgeous! Check out their adoptables, they make some great designs!!

Maisyy

<da:thumb id="486965622"/> <da:thumb id="487172057"/> <da:thumb id="487217394"/>
I love Maisyy's art! It's so sweet and cute, it makes me happy
just looking at it. ♥ They're also very skilled with pixels!

Miss-Callie-Rose

mega diancie! by Miss-Callie-Rose Ho-Oh by Miss-Callie-Rose Roselia for Hoenn Collab by Miss-Callie-Rose
Miss-Callie-Rose has gorgeous art!! Her background work is beautiful and flows
so well. It was hard to choose 3 things from her gallery- they're all amazing!

Jiratai

 Commission #27- Verdi-gris by Jiratai Commission #39- Hollowroot by Jiratai Commission #37- sonyasim55 by Jiratai
Uggh such an amazing style. Jiratai's art is wonderful and their gallery
is full of colorful characters!! Not to mention her line work is so gorgeous and soft!

Sadbloom

 Rising Sun (DTA) by Sadbloom Starry Night by Sadbloom Blessing (DTA) by Sadbloom
Sadbloom has a stunning gallery!! The backgrounds and poses are so full
of variety, and their coloring is beautiful!




Thank you all so much

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 16, 2014, 6:20 PM


Ah I'm not sure how to start this...

I really want to say thank you to all of you.
Thank you for being here, talking to me, everything.

I know I don't talk much or anything but in some way I want
to show my appreciation for all of you.

So just... thank you. Thank you all so much!
I'm planning a big giveaway for when I hit 2k watchers
to hopefully give back to you guys a bit. 

Also, I'm going to feature some gifts I've gotten recently!

PLEASE click on these and look through the artists galleries!

They're all amazing artists and deserve so much more love!!
Swimmin` in the ocean by SushiLionRose Dancer by misty-pawsThree Cuties by DaffoDille

.good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught by StarIiqhts Chibi Set 1 by plexusdynasty. born to die by fairypaws
Commission Example Fullbody Simple Shading by catpain[Gift] Hunnieumz by alarmed-dingoesChibi 4 by AKKIRE123
Sunset Fun by TiriKou

The fact that some of you have taken the time out of YOUR days
to do something for me... it really means so much to me.
Honestly, thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I love you guys and I hope to be able to give back to you all in the future. ;-;
Just.. thank you.

Commissions [ CLOSED ]

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 14, 2014, 9:43 PM


if i didnt accept you this time, feel free to post when i reopen!!
i really had to pick and choose here, i didn't want to get too overloaded
but you all have amazing characters ;_;

[ commission ] lacrirosa by hunniebuzz for xally by hunniebuzz
rainbow cupcake by hunniebuzz [ commission ] kainaa by hunniebuzz
$7 / 700 :points:

SLOTS
1. MileyKittyCat
2. Velums
3. MarshaIILee
4. CoffeeCupPup
5. TlgerTears
6. monochromera
7. Jemanite

♥ = paid

not first come first serve
i'll reply to you if i choose you ; v ;

PLEASE COMMENT WITH A CHARACTER REFERENCE!
so i know if i can draw your character or not!
i love being able to choose from a bunch <3

i require payment before i start
please tell me whether you'll be doing points or paypal
please be ready to send it as soon as i accept!

general commission info

Commissions

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 10, 2014, 10:13 PM


im going to redo this whole journal before i open again

sorry friends